Good Evening,

The last 4 weeks have been a blur of planning, celebrating and medical appointments.   We flew back from San Diego on Sunday.  While on the plane my body must have decided that my stress was over, because I started sneezing and by Monday morning I was sick and totally wiped out.  I got some rest on Monday, and convinced my body that I was still on mommy duty, because I had to take Sharmi to the hospital the next day.  By Tuesday morning, the cold was gone but I was still really drained. 

Sharmi’s appointment went really well.  I took both of the girls, so Emalyn came with us to help entertain Chantel while I was busy with Sharmi.  She was a wonderful help.  It worked really well.   Sharmi was afraid of the new process.  She didn’t like having the numbing cream on her arm.  However, when I was identifying the best place for the draw I said, “here is a happy vein.”  Emalyn and Sharmi thought that was funny and they talked about Sharmi’s “happy veins”  all day.  Her happy vien and the numbing cream worked really well.  Sharmi didn’t even feel it.  She was very please about that.  Dr. Thompson said Sharmi’s labs were boring.  We like boring.  :) 

The last month of celebrating has been wonderful.  The kids church in Marysville was perfect.  The theme was “Heaven is for Kids.”  We decorated the church with a ton of stuffed animals and we had a blanket and picnic basket with snacks on the stage.  All of the kids loved it.  My parents sang ”Heaven is for Kids”, dad told a story about being in Gods hands and he used fire as an illustration, there was a baby dedication, I told Sharmi’s story (without crying), Sharmi sat next to me on the stairs while I talked and she took care of her bear Mellow.  Sharmi sang a solo “Come and go with me to my Fathers house”, my Dad told a story about how angels are special to children and to Sharmi, my mom sang a song that she created for Sharmi about being a special angel from above.   And pastor Doug finished with a story about Daniels courage and emphasized that since Sharmi is in God’s hands the statistics of her ever being sick again are different then the standard medical statistics.  After church we had a wonderful potluck lunch at our house.  It was a perfect day!!

This last weekend in California was also a great celebration.  Sabbath morning when we left for church it was pouring down rain on the coast, but by the time of the party the weather was perfect.  It was wonderful to visit with our friends and family again.  Sharmi had a great time!  Chantel also really enjoyed it.  She just wandered around and watched everyone.  After it was over we asked her if she liked the party and she nodded, smiled and said, “party…cake…cake.”  :)  The next morning when we were leaving the resort I thought I would sit down and finally rest for 2 minutes while everyone loaded up, but Dean came back in for something and saw me with a quarter of a cake and a fork.  :)  He thought that was a good idea.  It wasn’t long before the kids found us and then there were 4 of us with 4 forks digging into a huge cake.  It was a funny sight.  The girls were skipping the cake and just eating the flowers and bees off the cake.  It is a great memory!

Well, laundry is still piled up from the trip.  I am hoping to get most of it done tonight. 

Thank you to all of you who came to celebrate with us.  It was an honor to have all of your love, support and prayers. 

Goodnight,

Cheris

Good Morning,

We are all excited about our trip to San Diego.  Sharmi has been asking me for weeks, ”how long will it be.”  And yesterday she saw her very special friend Jenny, who lives in Oregon.  She cried when we left her last night.  Now, since she knows Jenny is coming to San Diego with us Sharmi asks me every 5 minutes, “When are we going to San Diego and when do I get to see Jenny again?” 

If you havn’t RSVP’d yet you are still more than welcome to come, and we would love to see you.  Also, you were so incredibly thoughtful and generous with Sharmi when she got sick.  She has so many loving gifts from you which reminds us of the love and support she has.  For her party, we just want to spend time celebrating her life with you, please no gifts.

We love you all and we will see you soon.

Cheris

Good Evening,

Wow, this week flew by.  Just a few moments ago I was shocked to realize that tomorrow is Friday.  What a short week it has been.  I have a ton to do between now and when we leave for California. 

All in all Sharmi’s surgery Tuesday went really well.  We rushed to get there in the morning with no sleep and then we found out that they had miss-scheduled the doctor and her 7:30 am surgery was moved to 9:00 am.  In reality she was taken to surgery at 9:45.  That morning Sharmi went into her shutdown protective mode.  She talked as little as possible and just watched TV.  The surgery went well, but she was really cranky coming out from under the anesthesia.  Dean and mom took the brunt of her attitude.  I was able to get a big smile out of her when I gave her the little resin puppy she wanted, but then she just held him close and went back to watching TV. 

Sharmi was very pleased that there were so many of us there to support her.  My parents were there before the surgery and my aunt Tami and Carl and Trina, arrived immediately after she went into surgery.  Once we got her out of the hospital she started feeling better.  We had a wonderful afternoon.  We went to downtown Seattle.  She rode the Carousel, ate macaroni at Red Robin, had a strawberry ice cream cone (sister had huckleberry), and she rode the carousel again before we drove home and the kids crashed in the car.

At the end of the day, I was wipped out.  Carl and Trina once again bailed me out the last couple of days.  They helped me get the kids in bed, and Trina had Chantel all day yesterday so Sharmi could have some mommy time, and I could have a little rest.  Sharmi and I played magnets, cuddled, did markers, colored, I took a “nap” while she made me “breakfast”, we took a real nap together and we tickled.  I have noticed that just in the last two days she has laughed more.  She used to love to laugh.  It was like old times.  And today, when I was closing the blind before her nap, I saw the sparkle in her eye again.  The sparkle that the chemo killed years ago.  My baby is coming back! 

Yesterday I asked her, “How is your port doing?”  She replied, “My not-port is doing good.”  Her body has a “not-port” and “not-cancer”, and the scars are already beginning to fade.

Cheris

Good Evening,

This weekend was wonderful.  We had a great kids church on Sabbath, a wonderful time with family and friends and the weather was fabulous.  And to top off the weekend Dean and I got a much needed break and we went to dinner and the theatre last night with Carl and Trina.  When I have more time I will share more of the details, but I need to get to bed. 

Tomorrow morning we need to leave the house at 5:15 A.M with a 6:15 check in.  Sharmi’s p0rt removal surgery is scheduled for 7:30.  It should take about 1/2 hour.  It should be a pretty simple surgery.  They are just going to open her up, take out the port, pull the tube out of her heart and sew her back up.  Recovery will take about 2 hours.  Afterwards, if she feels up to it, we have promised her lunch at Red Robin. 

I am a little worried  about how tired she will be.  She didn’t get to sleep until after 9:30 tonight.  After we got back from dropping Chantel off at the Hall’s, we gave Sharmi a bath (since it will be a few days before she will be allowed a bath) and she ate a whole tray of food while I read her stories.  She has gotten pretty good at handling the days when she can’t have food, and since her surgery is so early she won’t get too hungry. 

Well I need to pack up her stuff and get to bed.  Keep Sharmi and her surgery in your prayers tomorrow.

Goodnight,

Cheris

In the final week of chemo, there is 1 down and 4 to go!  It still hasn’t sunk in. 

Tomorrow Dean and I are taking Sharmi into the doctor to check her labs one more time.  They are needing to make sure that she is healthy enough for her port removal surgery next week.  Dean will also have an opportunity to get a debrief and ask any questions directly to the doctor. 

Last night, I created another page on the website called, “Thank you…Who are you?”  Hundreds of you have been caring about us over the past 27 months and we would love to know who you are.  Thanks.

Goodnight,

Cheris

Happy Sabbath,

What a day.  Sharmi is on her nasty weekly methotrexate today, which made a very difficult day.  She did OK until about 1:00 pm.  The oxycodone made her bearable this morning.  I was hoping that the hour and a half of just mommy time doing finger paints would help us get through the afternoon, but it didn’t seem to help.  She couldn’t fall asleep for her nap so after a miserable hour I let her come out of her room and the misery continued.  (She didn’t get a nap yesterday either, which added to it.)

However, this evening was priceless when I tucked her in.  I asked her if she had been good for daddy while she was getting ready for bed.  She told me that she wouldn’t take her chemo when he asked.  I reminded her that she only had to take it 5 more times.  I also told her that in one week we are going to have a party.  I asked if she knew what for.  She got the biggest smile on her face.  She wrapped her arms around my neck and rolled her whole body on top of mine and said, “I won’t have cancer anymore!”  Tears rushed to my eyes and fell down my cheeks.  She laughed and we hugged for while, and then she saw my tears and she asked,  “Mommy, what’s wrong.”  I responded, ”Nothing honey, mommy is just happy.”  She laughed and said, “You don’t look happy, you are crying.”

I was sure she was going to say, “I don’t have to take chemo anymore.”  I was shocked to hear her say  “cancer.”  This is only the second time I have ever heard her say the word “cancer.”  The only other time was a few weeks ago when I specifically asked her if she knew she had cancer, and asked why she didn’t talk about it.  Tonight, after she was FINALLY asleep Dean and I were talking and she had told him, “Daddy, I am going to get my port taken out because I don’t have cancer anymore.”  I am amazed at her little coping mechanisms.  She has never talked about cancer, and in the last couple weeks she has been talking more about her hair as well.  She talks about “my beautiful curls”, and “when I was a baby I didn’t didn’t have any hair becuase I had so much chemo.” 

Thank God she is feeling free to talk about it.  Now, it is time to celebrate.  I just hope I survive the celebrations.  Our Marysville church is doing a special children’s church next Sabbath in honor of Sharmi and we will be having a pot-luck at our house afterwards.  I am also working on food and rentals for the party in San Diego in June.  It will be a crazy 4weeks, but she deserves it. 

Happy Sabbath to you all.  Goodnight.

Cheris

Good Evening,

Today was a fun day.  We went to gymnastics this morning, the girls played in the dirt before their naps, I read books to Chantel and tickled her while Sharmi slept, this afternoon we went shopping and I bought a new skirt for me and animal tanks for growing frogs, and we ended the day going to the Hall’s to catch tad poles.  Sharmi caught a lot of tad poles.  In addition, Emalyn put an egg sack in the tank, so we might have a plague after they all grow into frogs.

Sharmi still loves reading and one of her favorite stories right now is the story of Josephs coat of many colors and the famine in Egypt.   The other day at dinner she surprised me when she said, “I am glad I don’t live in Egypt. ”  I curiously asked her why and she said, “I don’t want to eat JUST corn… I like eating lots of different foods.”   I just laughed. 

I cannot believe how much Sharmi has grown.  We just had her 4th birthday party at my parents house last week.  It was a wonderful time.  She got a new bike that she rode on grandma and grandpa’s patio.  Chantel tried to ride the bike also, but she was happiest if she got sisters cool purple water bottle that goes in the bike.  :)   Sharmi got lots of other great gifts, but she was very generous with Chantel.  She gave Chantel the gift bags that had cloths in them.  She said, “Chantel, you can open these.  They have clothes.  I like clothes, but they are not very fun to play with right now.”  Mom and I laughed at her selective generosity.

Chantel is really fun.  She is talking all the time.  When we drive around town and she spots cows and says, “moo, moo, cow…. moo cow.”  She loves her play ground in the back yard.  Whenever a door gets left open or she gets out of the car she runs for the swings.  I am really glad she enjoys outside so much.  I just wish it didn’t increase the number of baths and the amount of laundry. 

I can’t believe that there is only 9 more doses of Mercaptopurine and 2 more doses of Methatrexate to go.  Two years ago it didn’t feel like we could survive this.  But today was a great day.  It was not one of just surviving, it was one of REALLY LIVING!   The first two years of Sharmi’s life was consumed by rebuilding our house and life from the flood.  That last two years have been spent fiighting cancer.  I pray that the next two years will be really living!  (I am already sad about her going to school someday.) 

I hope our lives can remind you to “really live”,  it makes such a difference. Good night.

Cheris

Good Morning,

It doesn’t seem real to me that we are coming to an end of the drug phase.  Last Tuesday was her final vincristine in her heart and Sunday morning I gave her the last dose of steroids.  Thank God, no more cranky, crying, whiny, starving, sleepless, itchy, fragile steroid weeks.  I am really looking forward to finding out what life and Sharmi will be like without a ton of drugs constantly running through her little body.  I was talking with some friends the other day about how Sharmi will feel and how much it will change her behavior and personality.   Sharmi frequently says,  “I don’t feel good.”  She of-course says this when she doesn’t feel good.  She also says this when she doesn’t want to get in trouble, and to try to get her way.  However, I was thinking the other day that even when she has said, “I don’t feel good,” to get out of something, she is always telling the truth.  She has “not felt good” for over two years from chemo and treatment, and only God knows how long she had cancer before that.  Her symptoms and her limp started in  October of 2006, when she was 18 months old.  I was looking at old pictures of her last night and I could see in her hallow eyes and yellow skin that she was sick.  I remember being concerned about it when we were in Palms Springs on vacation with my parents.  We knew she was sick, but it still took 5 months to convince the doctors.  I was reminded how small and young Sharmi was when this all began.  Chantel was wearing the same outfit yesterday as Sharmi was in the pictures when she started limping.  It breaks my heart remembering that such a little girl had to suffer and go through so much.  She has “not felt good” one single day since before she was 18 months old, and she has done it with more grace, love, and courage than any adult would.  She is my Hero!  I am very proud of her.    I am looking forward to all of the happy times that we will have with two, happy healthy girls that “feel good.” 

Last Tuesdays appointment day was long, but it was overall very nice to just hang out with Sharmi.  Trina watched Chantel all day so it was just Sharmi and Mommy time.  Sharmi had her labs, doctors appointment, and chemo in the morning, and then we had to wait around for her EKG and Eco of her heart in the afternoon.  We colored in her coloring book  a lot, we had a lovely lunch together at the hospital and we browsed around the gift shop.  Every time we go to the gift shop she picks up a little resin beagle puppy dog and she holds it and says, “It’s OK, mommy’s got you.  You will be OK…. Just go to sleep.”  She holds him so gently and pats him.  She begged me to buy him.  I told her ”no”, but  I was able to buy it without her noticing and I will give it to her after her port removal surgery.  It will give her something to take care of instead of worrying about herself.  She loves taking care of everyone.

Chantel has even learned the art of healing.  She found Sharmi’s doctors set on the floor last week and she patted the floor and told me, “down down.”  I laid down on the floor and she cleaned me, checked my ears, listened to my heart,  and pounded on my knees to check my reflexes.  She has it all figured out.  Another thing that she figured out is that “pawie  pawie” (potty potty) will delay bedtime.  She thinks it is a great time to read books or play ball (the ball trick was learned at grandma’s house this week).  Her potty trick does work, because she has been successfully potty training herself the last couple of weeks and has gone potty many times when she has asked.  The games and the learning of kids are priceless.

Well, I better get going.  We have been at my parents house this weekend and we are headed home today.  We stayed an extra day so the we could do pottery painting yesterday.  Sharmi painted a plate with her hand print and she put bug stamps on it.  I did a plate of Chantels hand and foot print.  And Chantel painted a little kitty.  She loved it.  She painted it, patted it, and loved it.  When I turned it over to paint the back of it Chantel put her finger to her mouth and said, “shhh…seeeping”  It was priceless. 

Love to you all,

Cheris

Hello, I am sitting in the sun on the front patio thinking about how grateful I am that last week is over.

Just when I thought we were on the home stretch we all got sick again.  Dean came home last week with a cold and even though we tried to isolate him and give him time for lots of rest, both of the girls came down with colds on Sunday night.  It hit them hard and fast.  For Sharmi, it took two full doses of Benadryl before she was able to breath enough to finally go to sleep that night.  They gradually got sicker and sicker.  On Tuesday Sharmi had a fever over 101, so off to the hospital we went.  Dean was out of town again so Trina and Carl came over to help me get packed (just in-case we got admitted).  And Trina helped me gather a few things that Chantel would need to stay the night with her.  I am really grateful for Trina’s relationship with Chantel.  She is a mommy’s girl, but she was “as happy as a clam” to be leaving with Trina.  It made my heart a little lighter knowing that Chantel was not stressed by being away from me.  Trina said that Chantel had a great time and loved waking up and playing with Ethan and Emalyn in the morning.

Carl drove Sharmi and I down to the ER.  It was really wonderful to not have to worry about driving.  Hospital trips always take so much out of me.  It is also always helpful having another person at the hospital with us.  Sharmi did great when they accessed her port.  I was talking with the doctor, Carl was holding Sharmi and I looked over and it was done.  She didn’t even whimper.  This was a back to her old self. 

We had tons of doctors looking her over and they did a list of tests.   Her ANC was over 5000 which meant that her immunity was high enough to fight off the cold by itself so they sent us home.  We didn’t get home until close to mid-night and Sharmi was still wide awake and hungry when we got home.  The next day her fever kept jumping around and I couldn’t tell if we were going to have to go back again or not, but it stabilized by evening.   

Wednesday night Sharmi’s fever was better, but both of their colds and clinginess was not getting better.  The exhaustion of being a single parent the last two weeks was getting too me.  I tried to have some quiet time to prevent a looming meltdown, however, the girls would not hear of giving me a break.  They crawled on me, jumped on me, tried to take my temperature, and Sharmi even read stories to me, while sitting on top of my personal space.  This did not help with my sanity at all!  I laid there crying wishing I was a turtle.

My parents felt my exhaustion and they came for the weekend to help give me a break.  This was a good thing, because I got sick Friday night as well.  Mom gave the girls hot foot baths too help their colds and even though we were all sick we found time to enjoy the girls.  Friday night I heard Sharmi walk into the bedroom with her Daddy after giving hugs to everyone and she said, “Wow, what a busy evening!”   She is so grown up.  Chantel is jabbering away.  She loves to run.  She begs “ru ru” and she wants to be picked up and to run around the house chasing sister.  She has also taken swinging to a new level.  Grandma and papa pushed her from both sides for almost an hour Friday.  She would ask, “highe highe”.  Her sister also also taught her the love of a blanket,  Chantel calls it “bink, bink.”  She carries it around and she won’t sleep without it.  She adds new words to her vocabulary every day.

This evening everyone appears to be on the mend, but I am sure it will take a few days yet until we are well.  I pray that Sharmi gets full health quickly because she goes in for her LAST HOSPITAL DOSE OF CHEMO on Tuesday.  Thank you Lord!!!   This also begins the last series of steroids.  I can’t believe the drugs are really coming to end.  What a long journey.  I understand why Sharmi can’t comprehend life ever being different.  I even have a hard time believing it will be different it has been more than half of her life. 

Well, I am worn out.  Good-night to you all.  I hope all of you had a wonderful weekend. 

Love, Cheris