Good Morning Dear Friends and Family,

I don’t know if this is God’s way of getting me ready for the sleepless nights after sister is born, but this is getting old.     For over a month I have been having problems sleeping at night.  If I get woken up in the middle of the night I lay awake for hours, and having a two year old sleeping next to me usually guarantees that I will get woken up.  She stirs and hits or kicks me to make sure that I am still there.  Tonight, however, it was the cats.  They got out last night when we were unpacking and got into a cat fight on the back patio.  I am very grateful that they encountered another cat instead of a raccoon or a coyote.  The cat looked liked he was wild, so I am sure he could do some damage to our California princesses, but I have thanked God that they seem fine.  I couldn’t handle that loss right now, and it would kill me to explain it to Sharmi.  She has learned they they belong to her and she says, “Thats my cat.” 

Speaking of Sharmi, she had a very good week last week and a very nice weekend.  She felt good enough last week to play with her toys again and to have some independent time.  We also went to Grandma and papa’s house for the weekend.  Her uncle Chris and aunt Julie were there also which was wonderful since she hadn’t seen them since Christmas.  The highlight of her weekend was ballroom dancing with Chris and marching around the kitchen with Julie.  She would push the button on one of her toys and when the music would start she would want to dance.  That girl has got the moves!

Her blood counts last Tuesday were only 90 but by Thursday they were over 600.  With them recovering so much in 2 days we have made the assumption that they will be above 1000 by today.  So this morning begins a very long 2 weeks.  Between today and tomorrow she will get 5 different chemo drugs, the majority of which she has not had before.  We will have to go into the hospital 9 days of those 2 weeks to get the meds.  Tuesday will be a particularly bad day.  She will be getting a drug that requires an IV and monitoring so we have to be at the hospital at 8:00 in the morning and they will admit her into the inpatient unit for the day.  If all goes well we will be going home at the end of the day. She will also be getting methotrexate in her spine again with means that she will have to be fasting which always makes the days worse, and she will also be getting several other new drugs pushed into her system.  To add to both of our stress Dean will be gone three days this week.  We will both miss him.

I enjoyed the last week with her so much.  She has been our sweet little playful girl again and some of her laughs are returning.  However, she didn’t forget that she is sick, and she talks about the doctors and the medicines and the owies all of the time.  She keeps saying “ No owies, people take it out (refering to the needle in her port) hold grandma’s hands (grandma was with us at our last appointment), baby not scared, people take it out, go home.”

One phrase she learned while in the hospital last weekend was, ” I can’t.” She uses it all of the time now.  She uses it for things that she doesn’t want to do like take baths or eat her squash, but she also knows that she has limitations due to her health.  Last week I needed to go to the store, since I have been house bound for weeks, but she isn’t allowed to go into enclosed public places.  She didn’t seem emotionally stable enough to leave her at home with Grandma so we all went in the car and Sharmi and grandma stayed in the car and played outside while I shopped.  Usually she would want to “come mommy, come, ” but she seemed to understand that that she could not come with me.  She would walk by the front doors and look inside for mommy, but she would say, ” I can’t go” inside.  I hadn’t specifically told her this, but I am sure she had heard me tell others many times that we couldn’t go shopping because Sharmi’s immunity wasn’t strong enough to go into stores.  I am amazed at what she comprehends at her age.

I am not sure how I am going to explain the next two weeks to her.  As she says, “baby’s feeling better.”  Now I have to make her sick all over again.  The poor sweet thing.  But, there is light at the end of the tunnel.  After we get through these next two weeks “maintenance” should be better.

Well I should try to get some sleep before she wakes up.  Thank you to all of you who are posting comments or sending e-mails.  I am sorry I haven ‘t had time to respond.   We really do appreciate the thoughts and prayers and taking time out of your lives to let us know that you are thinking of us.  It is comforting to still feel your support. 

Love and prayers,

Cheris