Merry Christmas!

I am excited that the Christmas season is here, however I have not bought much in the line of presents yet. I used to dislike internet shopping. I didn’t want to lose the experience of crowded malls with Christmas music and decorations that are filled with last minute shoppers like myself. But now with two kids I think that online shopping is a great idea, however it doesn’t work to well for procrastinators.

Well, it has been a very long two weeks. The Monday after Thanks-giving Sharmi started five days of steroids. This usually means about 7 to 10 days of craziness. However, this time I have been waiting very impatiently for the food cravings and crankiness to wear off. Her craving this month was swiss steak. She ate a half of a case of it all by herself. Lets just say I am very grateful for her adjustable cloths. When she is at her thinest time of the month they fall off while she is walking, but after steroids I can barely get them done up.

The past two weeks have been very hard on me. Sharmi has been very clingy. I haven’t been able to walk out of the room without carrying her and most of her meals were eaten on top of my lap. She whinnied so much I was wondering if she was capable of talking without a whine. Her most common phrases where, “Mommy carry me I can’t walk,” “I am hungry, no I want something else,” and “feed me mommy I can’t do it.” Yesterday I called my mom and said, “I am worn thin and can’t do this anymore.” I haven’t had a second to myself and very little sleep. I thank God for my parents. I packed up the girls and we came to grandma and papa’s. They are a great help.

Some specific stresses of the last two weeks with Sharmi include a yeast infection, pain characteristic of a UTI and thrashing and crying at night and after naps. Thursday night was a particularly bad night. She woke up crying and couldn’t be comforted. She didn’t want mommy nor her blanket. When she said “I don’t want my blanket”, which she can never be without, I lost it. I had the sinking feeling that she was relapsing, and I just bawled and bawled.

When you are living this hell you try to stay positive and not get caught up in fear, but you also have to listen to your intuition. There were two different times before Sharmi was diagnosed,while doctors were still telling me that she was just fine, that I cried because I felt in my heart that Sharmi would be “one of those cancer patients.” I believe that was Gods way of preparing me for the shock. So, when I have fears now I don’t know if I should listen to them or ignore them. Yesterday, I called the hospital and they assured me that she wasn’t showing the signs of relapse, so it must have just been exhaustion speaking.

One of the fun things in the last two weeks was the snow. Last sabbath there was a skiff of snow on the ground when we woke up. On the drive home from church it started snowing again and snowed all afternoon. That evening we went to a fesvital of lights with grandma and papa. They had carolers, train rides, horse drawn wagon rides, animals, a nativity and a person in a snowman suite. Sharmi has been telling the story all week.  “The snowman did this (she waives enthusiatically) I was scared and papa held me.”  Even though she was scared she tells the story with a smirk knowing that he really wasn’t that scary.  It was a beautiful way to start the Christmas season, walking through the snow and enjoying our family.

I hope this Christmas season is bringing you joy and happiness also.

Love,

Cheris