Good Evening,

One year ago last Sunday, March 2nd, was the anniversary date of Sharmi’s diagnosis of Acute Lymphatic Leukemia.  It was the worst day of our lives.  Being told your baby has cancer is a pain that you can’t even begin to imagine and  I thank God that he helps us forget.  But I will never forget those first few days.  We were so sick, scared, angry, and saddened that we thought our heart would truly break.  When you go through that kind of trauma the physical pain in your body is unbelievable.  We prayed and pleaded that God would heal her instantly before treatment, but that was not in his plan.  I remember being curled up in her crib holding her all night and finally having the peace and quite to cry.  There were so many doctors and nurses around during the day that many times I had to fight the urge to scream, “get out of her room and leave us alone!”  In the morning the reality would hit all over again.  We would realize that it wasn’t just a bad dream, it was our real live nightmare.  We researched everything that we could to try to find less invasive and less harmful options, but we were eventually told, “there aren’t any other options for children, the state will insure that the standard protocol will be followed.”  Not to dwell on it but, the care was poor, and there were many times that Sharmi had to go through physical pain because of the ego’s of physicians, insensitivity of nurses, and lack of skill of staff.  Much of those two weeks have blurred, but one night is as vivid as yesterday.  The surgeon had put in too long of a tub into her chest and so they couldn’t draw blood from her port.  The x-ray had confirmed this, however, the surgeon would not admit to the error and demanded that Sharmi be put on a several hour drip which wasn’t compatible with her other meds.  As a result the doctor ordered another IV to be put in.  I held my baby down for a half hour while their special team kept putting needles in her wrists, arms and feet to try and get a line, but her body kept rejecting them.  My mom and I held her down as she cried and screamed from the pain, fear, and the confusion as to why her mother was doing this to her.  The ladies had tears in their eyes when they gave up.  They said that she had been through enough and that the doctor would have to call of anesthesia before they would try again.  Even though mom and I had both been praying the whole time, she spoke up to everyone in the room, and said “before you do anything else I would like to pray.”  She prayed and after her prayer they were able to draw enough blood from her port for the blood tests.  This was only the second and last draw they were able to get from that port within a week.  This was a horrible event that is etched in my heart and mind forever, but through it all there were times when God showed his presence.  Even though she suffered grately that night, we felt like God had answered our pray and He was still with us. 

Sharmi’s symptoms began in October, but by the time Sharmi finally got diagnosed, 95% of her bone marrow was cancer.  As most of you know, she had paralysis from the chemo and she had to learn to crawl and walk again, but we were grateful that the cancer responded well to the chemo and she was in remission within 4 weeks. God has continued to be with Sharmi and us through this past year. 

Many of you were also a part of our lives and our support system one year ago.  You showered her with stuffed animals, balloons, books, crayons, food, cloths, blankets and cards.  She got so much pleasure out of all of the gifts.   I wish I would have taken a few more pictures.  Her cards were on the wall, presents on the window sill, (and angel figurine was one of her favorites and angels are still very special to her to this day) and she was showered with stuffed animals.  She had too many stuffed animals for her bed so we put them on top the the clear vinyl that covered her crib.  She would lay in her bed and look at all of her animals looking down at her.  Then she would one by one ask for one, until she was buried in stuffed animals. 

I am so grateful that God helped us find some joy during those dark days.  Another fun time was when Rick and Melissa would come and they would play ”peek a boo” with her with the privacy curtain.  She would laugh and laugh.  Unfortunately everytime they came she had less and less strength.  Before she left the hospital she couldn’t do much more than eat and say, ”mommy need you.” 

When we went home you were all still amazing with food, and gifts and many of you took time out of your lives to come and help me take care of her and play with her.  You have all been so amazing and I am so grateful that God blessed us with such amazing friends who would go out of there way to provide for our needs.

Our year continued with the move, a new house, a new hospital (another blessing) more drugs, the beginning of maintenance, and a new sister.  No wonder I feel so tired.  But through the tiredness we are grateful.  We are grateful that we still have our precious little girl.  We are grateful that she is doing well and full of life.  We are usually grateful that she is a fighter, except when it is bedtime or time to change her diaper  .     We are grateful to our family, especially my parents who have put their lives aside to help us survive this year.  We are grateful for Chantel and the new joy and sunshine that she brings into our home. And we are grateful for you!  THANK YOU from our HEART and SOULS.  Gods LOVE has been clearly shown through you.  We love you!

Cheris